i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
