Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
