Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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