just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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