My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
