I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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