He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I got inside last night via doggy door
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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