Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
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The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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