He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
