so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
