This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
