Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
All the doctor said was why
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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