He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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