i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
