I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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