I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
