woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The uberlube is also flammable
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
