My nipple is on Facebook.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i think i have two assholes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
