I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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