allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
