she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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