My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
