well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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