I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
