guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just found puke in my bra..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
