buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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