Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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