You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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