Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
