This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
