my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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