The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
