New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
