Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
