i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
