You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
