Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
