Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
