How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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