i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
