They should really pass out barf bags in church
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
