I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
