Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
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Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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