he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
