i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize