i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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