My first STD was from a foam party
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
