Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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