I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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