I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
