you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
