dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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