DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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