Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
