Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
so much tequila, so little girl.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
