But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
