Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize