***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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