Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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